The Warrior of Peace and The Prince and Knuckles
by Artemis the Foul
Summary: This is a crossover fanfiction containing characters I don't own from Sonic the Hedgehog and Shrek. I don't own anything except my OCs. All rights go to their respective owners.
1. The Prince is captured!

It was a beautiful day in the town of Bedrock. Birds singing, flowers blooming, on days like this, kids like you should be listening to vaporwave. The story begins with a guy named Igor, the warrior of peace, sat at his house, a pineapple under the sea, with Knuckles the Echidna, sat on the couch enjoying some steamed hams. They were watching The Nutshack on Myx. Bob Saget had just died and Igor was very distraught, almost brought to tears.

"Oh no," said Knuckles.

The credits had come on, so Igor got up to refill his corn chips. But instead a large bag of corn chips sat a fluffy white Pomeranian. Its wide eyes gazed at Igor.

"Oh no," said Knuckles.

"I'll go buy some more right now," Igor announced, "You watch that dog."

Neither of them had any idea how the dog had got in, or how it devoured an entire bag of corn chips, bag included. Knuckles opened the door.

"It's kinda chilly today." said Knuckles.

Igor headed in the direction of the supermarket within the closest proximity, in hopes of purchasing some corn chips. He walked by a pig named Whitewash.

"Oodgay ucklay, arriorway ofway eacepay, onway ouryay ourneyjay otay obtainway ethay orncay ipschay!" Whitewash oinked.

Meanwhile, the local postman had arrived on Quality Street. His footsteps were really loud and people were instantly annoyed by it. Grzegorz "Greg" Zybala was gleefully delivering mail when suddenly the white Pomeranian stood before him. Wanting to get past it, Greg tried reasoning with the dog.

"Nice doggy…" Greg cautiously tried to advance.

"W̡ͧ́͑̔̈̕͏̺̭̮̀o̴̸͖͔̗͇͆ͩͤ̎ͬ̀͌̄̋̽̑̊ͩͪ̓́͡͝o̱̻̭̟͉̒̆ͩͮ͛͌̽̋ͧͥͯ̊͡f̸ͬ͂̇̿ͪͬͬ͗̀͐̎̇҉̛̻̹̮̞ͅ" the dog said.

Then the dog leaped into the air and attacked the mailman viciously.

"This is not in my job description!" Greg squealed as the minuscule monster pinned him to the paving.

"Oh no," said Knuckles.

Igor had purchased the corn chips, as well as a free Fire Flower as part of a deal, and was leaving the store, when out of nowhere came Fred Flintstone.

"MY PEBBLES!" the caveman yelled.

Igor thought about using the fire flower. Upon using it, he donned a white costume.

"Hey I wonder what happens if-" he started, throwing a fireball and making Fred explode on the spot. A small fire burned on the ground where he had been standing. Igor gained 100 points.

Back at Quality Street, Greg crawled up to Igor's house and posted a letter into the mailbox. Turning around, he saw the white dog looking back at him.

"Oh no," said Greg.

As Igor arrived home, he could have sworn he heard screaming. He noticed an envelope in his mailbox, so he took it out and opened it. 'The Prince has been captured! Last seen in a tower listening to Little Red Corvette (get it? A Prince song?) held hostage by so-called 'Big D'.'

"Oh no," said Igor.

"Oh no," said Knuckles.

"Oh no," said Greg.

"Ohway onay," oinked Whitewash.

Suddenly, Kool-Aid Man burst through a nearby wall.

"Oh yeah!" he said. Igor, Knuckles, Greg and Whitewash glared at the over-sized juice jug.

Igor unfolded the letter. 'Only you, Igor, the warrior of peace can save him! Here is a map indicating where you shall travel.' The map led out of Bedrock, past the swamp, through the forest, across the ocean and up a tower.

"I must prepare for this grand adventure," announced Igor, gathering things he might need and attaching them to his belt. Knife, rope, food, water, grappling hook, Knuckles the Echidna, and soon he was ready to save the prince. But an old man stopped him in his tracks.

"It's dangerous to go alone. Take this!" the old man shoved Whitewash into Igor's arms. "Oh, and take these too." The man handed him six cards. The first had a hollow yellow circle, the second had a red plus, the third had three blue waves, the fourth had a black square, the fifth had a green square and the last one had a picture of Harambe. "I am certain that they will come in handy."

And so, the warrior of peace, a red Echidna, a mailman, and a pig set off to the swamp in hopes of saving the princess, uh I mean prince. A man limped towards Igor's house and knocked on the door.

"Housekeeping," he called. But nobody came. Instead he slipped a piece of paper with beautifully crafted handwriting into the mailbox.

At the swamp, the air was damp and foul-smelling. There were low plants and boggy marshes. Or perhaps marshy bogs. Igor wasn't liking the atmosphere.

"Perhaps we should stop," he said.

"Owthgray indsetmay, eoplepay!" oinked Whitewash.

"What do you mean, growth mindset?" asked Greg.

Before Whitewash could react, a dart shot into Greg's neck. A tranquilizer dart. Greg collapsed on the earth.

"What do we do about him?" asked Knuckles.

"I'll get a new one." replied Igor.


	2. A strange race of creatures

The four continued on, through the swampy area. Whitewash was complaining about something, but no-one paid attention to him. For no apparent reason, Knuckles stopped walking forwards.

"Oh no."

"What is it?" asked the warrior of peace. His eyes continued forward until he saw a huge shadow looming in front of them. "Oh. That could be the ogre I was warned about."

"Ogre? Who told you that?" the red echidna questioned him.

"A small stubby lavender-colored creature with wispy hair and large eyes."

"Oh. That explains all."

The shadow had seemed to sense their presence. Igor's heart stopped briefly as it turned around. Then footsteps. It was coming right for them!

"It'sway ethay ogreway! Atwhay ethay ellhay!" was Whitewash's reaction.

As the figure stepped out from the vines hanging from the trees, light began to reveal the being. It was a large, stubby yellow-colored creature with wispy hair and large eyes.

" **BESTEST!** " the creature screeched. " **Hero-pon Igor BESTEST!** "

"Why it's the hero himself!" came a voice. A group of small stubby creatures with wispy hair, large eyes of various colors appeared from the vegetation. They were Nopon, mythical beings that possess the power to eat three times their own weight and sleep for over seven days. The fascinated creatures crowded around Igor, but stayed at least a metre from him, staring in awe.

"Hero?" Igor seemed confused. "I haven't actually done anything yet, how am I a hero?"

"You are making your way to save Prince Brendan, correct?" chimed a pale green Nopon.

"Yes, I am. I received a letter."

"Then, make yourself at home through here!" the Nopon waddled into a hidden grove in the vegetation. When the three travellers entered, they couldn't believe their eyes. A huge open space, a hollowed-out tree! Everywhere they saw the Nopon, pushing carts or chatting merrily. But the thing that caught Igor's eye was a stall to his left. Painted in capital letters, GREG STORE.

"Hi," said Igor, catching the shopkeeper's attention. "I'd like a Greg please." The shopkeeper, a Nopon with a moustache, began to speak poetically.

 _A Greg? A Greg!_

 _There are many-a Greg in this store, don't you see,_

 _Multiple types, with-a multiple needs!_

 _Does the Greg you seek carry great weight?_

 _Or perform household chores until quarter to eight?_

 _A waterproof Greg that never gets wet!_

 _A docile Greg you can keep as a pet!_

 _A versatile and multi-purpose Greg,_

 _A freshly-hatched new-born, mere days from the egg!_

 _Refrigerate, heat up, dust, sweep and clean!_

 _Tumble dry, cook and everything in between!_

 _Ah, it is all a lie, all my Gregs can do,_

 _Is eat, sleep, walk, run, jog, jump, that is quite true._

 _They watch the TV, and chase after bugs,_

 _And after all that take a turd on the rug._

Igor stood there, speechless for a moment. "I'll take three."

"That'll be one pig, please."

A pig? Did the moustached Nopon have his eye on Whitewash?

"Umm, sure. You can keep the change." Igor handed the pig to the shopkeeper. He then gave it a peculiar looking headset to wear. Then all of a sudden, he began to talk normally.

"You're going on computer science booster until you're 94." The pig said.

"Oh no," said Knuckles.

After an awkward moment of silence, the shopkeeper took out some "Paper Chips" and began to munch on them rather loudly.

Igor turned around to find his new Gregs. The first grinned. The second stretched. The third began to pick his nose.

"So," Igor announced. "Are you real heroes?"

"Technically, uh, nah."

"Have you ever captured a bad guy? Like a real villain!"

The Gregs shook their heads and exchanged looks.

"Have you ever tried on a superhero costume?"

"Nah, nah."

"Alright!" Igor pointed his finger upwards. "It seems I will have to teach you how to be heroes!" Igor took out a saxophone and began to play a tune.


	3. Greg clones!

The line-up really had changed in a mere few hours. Igor, Knuckles, Whitewash and Greg had become Igor, Knuckles and three replacement Gregs. The five were now leaving the swamp. But whatever happened to the first Greg? Well, that can be explained.

The air, though still moist, was now cooler. Greg opened his eyes. He was lying face down in the mud. He got up, and became conscious of his violent headache. Before long, he realized he had been abandoned.

"Hello?" the mailman called through the swamp. "Igor? Knuckles? Whitewash? Teletubbies?" Unfortunately for Greg, nobody came. Greg was about to give up when he heard a noise. Kind of like a growl. Then he saw a light. Two lights. Greg's eyes widened as it came closer. Eventually, the red light of the sunset revealed that it was a moustached man on a motorcycle. He sported a Viking helmet and shades and was holding a plastic toy dinosaur.

"Wingman, wingman, wing o' the wingman!" an odd theme song began to play and the American flag appeared in the background.

"I am the Wingman! I can help give you support when approaching potential partners and help you in an intimate relationship!" the Wingman said.

"Potential partners? I have someone in mind." Greg had his eye on the girl at the Post Office desk.

"Great! I'll fill you in on everything you should know," the man chimed.

Meanwhile, Igor, Knuckles and the three Gregs set up camp. Igor set up tents, Knuckles went to find food and the Gregs started a fire. One of the Gregs picked up the two others and rubbed them together. A spark flew off them and landed on a pile of dry sticks. Before long, a fire had started. The Gregs gazed at the unorthodox red, orange, yellow, phenomenon that stood before them. The Gregs had discovered fire.

At the same time, the Nopon shopkeeper was closing up shop. He needed to get home to his wife and kids. He wearily climbed the wooden staircase within the giant hollow tree that was the home of the Nopon. Out of nowhere, the Nopon felt a towel being held over his nose and mouth, and he fell into someone's arms.

NOPON SHOPKEEPER FAINTED!

Mysterious chloroform-utilizing guy gained 420 EXP. POINTS!

Mysterious chloroform-utilizing guy grew to level 69!

Mysterious chloroform-utilizing guy learned TELEPORT!

And so, the mysterious chloroform-utilizing guy teleported away.

Knuckles had found several grapes.

"I got grapes, what you watching son?" Knuckles was very fond of grapes.

"I wonder if grape vines are used to make telephone wires," said Greg #2.

I think this is a good time to introduce the Greg Differentiating System. The original Greg should be referred to as Greg, and the clones as Greg #2, Greg #3 and Greg #4, respectively.

"Those names are boring," said Igor.

"Yeah, surely you can think of cooler names," Knuckles agreed.

"Wait, who are we talking to?" Greg #4 asked.

"I have an idea! We'll call them Gregoo, Gregree and Gregour." Igor decided.

"What a good idea!" exclaimed Greg #3.

"I SAID, what a good idea!" exclaimed Gregree.

These names are not going to catch on.

"Yes they will!"

No, they won't.

After a hearty meal of grapes and some 'magic mushrooms' that Gregour had collected, the five went to sleep. It was their first night sleeping outside. They heard the soft sounds of crickets and frogs on unicycles. Here come that boy. Greg and the Wingman had made it to Igor's house. Greg took a few steps back, then lunged at the window head-first. Greg's impeccably hard skull smashed the glass almost instantly. Greg reached inside and unlocked the door from the inside, allowing them in. A half-eaten hamburger lay on a table beside the couch. Greg hadn't eaten anything all day.

"I'd better make tea," Greg said. "Without milk."

"I'll have a ginger tea," the Wingman said. "A family tradition."

Greg had never made ginger tea in his life. 'To make ginger tea,' Greg thought, "I am going to need a ginger." Before long, Greg had found an orange-haired pedestrian and put him in a blender. Greg likes to oppose animal rights.

Brendan had gotten pretty bored by now. His iPod had cycled through his playlist a good 42 times. But his attention was brought to an odd building in the distance. Flashes of light came from its windows and strange noises were heard. But, alas, he remained contained in the tower's grey stone bricks, surrounded by a moat of lava guarded by several evil Greg clones…wait what? There were eight of them, marching up and down, idly picking their noses. The mailman doppelgangers were all different, each with their own unique trait. Firstly, there's Greg #5, he-

"Can you give them much more interesting names?" asked Brendan.

Not you too. I'm the narrator, why does everyone else suggest things?

"Call them Gregive, Gregix, Gregeven, Gregeight, Gregine, Gregen, Gregeven and Grelve." Shrek suggested.

Hey! You're not in the story yet.

"Just do it."

Fine. Gregive had a beard. Gregix had an epic Bowie lightning bolt tattoo. Gregeven had the most irresistible blonde hair. Gregeight had palm trees growing out of his palms, though the size of bonsai trees. Gregine had cat ears. Gregen had a halo above his head. Gregeven had teeth like the kid who sang that annoying Pokémon Go song. Grelve had wings. Oh! And here comes Gregirteen in a school uniform with a piece of toast in his mouth! You're late, moron.

"I'm sorry, Mr Narrator."

You should be.


	4. Boats, Rentals and Instant Mash!

The shopkeeper opened his eyes, not really knowing what to expect. A while tiled room. Sterile air. He was tied to a chair, unable to move. His keys to his shop had been stolen. He looked around, hoping to find someone who could help him. Soon, in walked a chubby little man with a toupee and circular glasses.

"I am Mr Rental," the man explained, "I supply first-rate video games to the people of Australia. But now…"

"W-what have you done? Where are my keys? What are you going to do to me?" the shopkeeper spoke with insecurity.

"Your keys are safe within my care," Mr Rental returned calmly. "We have no further use of you."

"What did you want from me? I am but a humble shopkeeper, I don't have anything you'd want!" the shopkeeper said.

"Oh, but there is. Or, rather, WAS. The odd creatures you sell were perfect for my plan! Those 'Gregs' had the emptiest brain cavity of any being I could ever find! The experiment has failed many times, with results being just not quite right. But soon, I will have the perfect minion! The alpha Greg! A Greg I can control to do whatever I please. But not just one, or two or three; a dozen! Or twenty! Fifty! A THOUSAND! Together we will ban all mashed potatoes! BAN MASHED POTATOES!" the scientist said, shaking with overwhelming excitement. The shopkeeper could only sit and stare, eyes filled with fear, as Mr Rental exerted the cruellest and most irritating laugh to ever grace the planet.

Greg woke up to the sound of a French horn. It appeared to be playing All Star by Smash Mouth.

"What do you think you are doing?" Greg asked the Wingman.

"You've got to wake up bright and early to impress that girl you were talking about yesterday!" the moustached man told him.

"Do I have to? I mean, my footsteps are so loud, everyone will notice." Greg said.

"Hmm. I know! Hop on my motorbike!"

"A motorbike? In a post office?"

"Just walk on your hands."

"Okay." Greg decided to step up to the challenge. "I am going to need a gift."

And so, Greg and the Wingman headed out to Wal-Mart. It was surprisingly less busy today; there were barely any shoppers around; the store was almost deserted. The only employee at the store turned around to face them. It was Shrek himself.

Igor woke up to find the three Gregs in his sleeping bag.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked them.

"It was cold," Gregoo told him. The five of them would have to cross the ocean to get to the tower, and that wasn't going to be easy. They had made it out of the forest and the earth became more and more sandy. They were going to need a boat, but luckily, there was a boat shop by the coast.

'GET YOUR BOATS! KUP TERAZ!'

"We need a boat for five. Four and an echidna." Igor said, after entering the store. A Nopon shopkeeper.

 _"_ _A boat? A boat!_ Sure, I can get you a boat," the Nopon led them outside to the dock. A shiny red motorboat awaited them.

"Where are the wings? How is it supposed to fly?" Gregour appeared confused.

"You do know the difference between a boat and a plane, right?" Knuckles asked him.

The Greg thought for a moment. "My wallpaper is very plain." And so, the five set off to save the prince. The Nopon shopkeeper waved them goodbye. Little did they know that he was being controlled by someone else. Mr Rental sat at his desk, watching every moment on his screen.

Meanwhile, the real Greg, along with the Wingman, stood there in awe as the ogre towered over them.

"Good luck, partner," the Wingman hopped back on his motorcycle, put on his helmet and smashed through the window, leaving Greg alone with Shrek.

"Are you a frog?" Greg asked the monster.

"Are ye kidding me? I am Shrek. I am love, I am life," Shrek replied. "What can I help ye with?"

"I need a gift for a certain someone."

"I know just the thing!" Shrek took out a pot of instant mashed potatoes.

"Perfect!" It was settled.

At that exact moment, Mr Rental felt strange.

"Something's not right…"

Knuckles steered the boat. The boat was a beauty. Streamlined, shiny coated, with the word 'Dickman' along the sides.

"I love this!" Gregree was pleased to be on the boat.

"So, do I!" Gregoo was unanimous.

Gregree had appeared wearing a pirate costume.

"Yar har, fiddle di dee, being a pirate is all right with me, do what you want 'cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate!" Gregree made a Lazy Town reference.

Igor gazed ahead towards land in the distance. Suddenly, something burst out of the sea, blocking their path. The crew looked in horror to see Whitewash. But now he was modified. Most of his body was replaced with metal and his limbs ended in rockets that kept him in the air. His stomach was replaced by a TV. The face of Mr Rental appeared.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed evilly.

"W-who are you?" Igor asked the man.

"Mr Rental! Incredible genius, future king of the world, enemy of all mashed potatoes!"

"What did you do to Whitewash?" Knuckles was shaking with fear.

"I gave him a much needed upgrade. Prepare to-" the screen had changed from Mr Rental's desk to an anime about schoolgirl idols.

"I love this show!" Gregour squealed with excitement. The Gregs watched intently at the screen. Igor rolled his eyes.

"Whitewash is now a cyborg pig, and this is all you're interested in right now?" Igor said.

The Gregs turned to him and shrugged.

The obnoxious dancing and singing on the screen changed back to Mr Rental. He was fuming. Shaking with anger, he lifted up a finger above a glowing red button. The button read 'Rentinator'. Everyone's eyes filled with fear at the sight of Rental's fury. But then, he stopped.

"Something's definitely not right." Rental looked uncomfortable. "My spider senses are tingling. Someone is attempting to give instant mashed potato as a gift!" Rental leaped out of his chair and into his car. He started the engine and smashed his way out of a window. At that very moment, Greg shyly approached the post office.


End file.
